If you’re anything like me, you absolutely dread emotional holidays like Valentine’s Day because writing the perfect love letter for your significant other just seems impossible. I’m going on year 3 with my lovely, adoring boyfriend and as many ooey gooey feelings I have for him, when it comes to putting pen to paper and explaining it all, I freeze up.
Oh, just because my boyfriend writes like a freaking poet, (sans rhyming) and he knows how to pull at heart strings I didn’t even know I had. He ALWAYS makes me cry, and his damn letters are way better than mine and I hate losing.
So this year I devised a plan.
I am going to break down what makes his letters so great. Then, reverse engineer that shit. I’m also going to look amazing in my Convertible Red Dress (#shamelessselfpromo) when I hand it to him. He’s going to be so emotionally confused between love and lust he’s going to pass out.
Back to the plan.
Here are a few pictures of the first Valentine’s Day card he ever gave me, overlaid with my play by play analysis on what he’s done here.
I’ve broken it all down into 14 loving steps to help you write the best damn Valentine’s Day Card Ever.
Get your pen ready, we’re going in.
- Classy Card: Buy a classy looking card. One of those $5 cards that has pre-written love affirmations already in place.
- Opening: Standard affirmation of love + childhood nickname your significant other keeps telling you to stop calling them. It’ll make them mad but there’s a thin line between love and hate, so we’re gonna let that blood boil.
- Quick Note: 1-2 Sentences where you state that everything pre-written on this card is true. Show how you thought and re-thought every word with a few “mistakes” scratched out here and there. Subliminally, it shows you aren’t afraid of admitting when you done wrong. That’s sexy.
- Signature: Sign it classically, and write a P.S. I love you type note thanking them for bringing something specific into your life. Now, sharpen your pencils boys and girls because we’re just getting started.
- Opening Greeting On Surplus Sheet: Wait whaaaat?! Yes. Surplus sheet. Go get yourself an extra sheet of letter sized paper, because one card could never be enough to contain all your love! Colored or scented paper is sure to get you some bonus points. For the opening, “my” statements work well here. Try something like, My love, My Dearest, My Heart, Mi Amor, you get the deal.
- Humble Intro Sentence: This is where you intentionally lower expectations. You’ve got to present yourself as just a simple boy/girl that isn’t about to unleash an unrelenting waterfall of emotions on an unsuspecting open heart. But then, you do.
- Adjective Overload: Describe your life since falling for your main squeeze using at least 3 adjectives, and then just end with the word adjective…because, it’s funny.
- Industry Lingo: Craft a sentence that describes how your love is growing with the help of your most technical industry lingo. Make sure you use lingo specific to your career field, not theirs. In fact, it’s even better if you’re almost certain they’ll have no idea what it means. Here, you may need this.
- Profess That Love: Put aside your ego, and toss in a quick sentence professing your love with supreme honesty, using words you never have before.
- Us Against The World Statement: This is where you state how unlikely of a pair you both are, or how unlikely your meeting was. This is your star crossed lovers moment. Most effective when it’s short, sweet, and ends with “you & me“.
- Historical Evidence: This is where you glorify the past. Leave out the dutch ovens, times you drank too much and acted a fool, but highlight the way you (the writer) felt when he/she entered your life and gradually made it better.
- Tell ’em How Extra You Are: This is the perfect time to show them how far you’ll go for their love. Like that time you went on a blog to figure out how to write their Valentine’s Day card…and CRUSHED it.
- Back To Basics: This is where you take all the high elevated, love on steroids crap you just said, and bring it back down to reality. You’re going to use these next few sentences to get real, because quite frankly you’ve been quite the soap opera until now and you need to go on dating this person. Lower them expectations. Here, you’ll admit to your hunny that you’re so lucky to have them in your life. Close with a statement that gets them dreaming about your future.
- The Sign-off: This is where my freaking boyfriend gets me every time. He’s so damn clever. Do not, and I repeat do not close with a basic, “with love”. That crap wont roll on the Surplus Paper, oh no. Look, you can steal my boyfriend’s “-with immeasurable love” statement. It’s ok, I wont tell. Now, sign off with your most illegible signature. Then, draw an arrow explaining that the scribble is your name. Doodle your face, and/or add an emoji. Package it. Seal it. Give it. Trust.
If you followed each of the steps above, and your finished letter doesn’t make your significant other cry…then they may have a direct bloodline to Cersei Lannister, and I just can’t do anything to help that. Sorry.